View source for Philosophy:Enabling

{{short description|Psychological intervention}}

In [[Medicine:Psychotherapy|psychotherapy]] and [[Social:Mental health|mental health]], '''enabling''' has a positive sense of empowering individuals, or a negative sense of encouraging dysfunctional behavior.<ref name="elinewberger.com">[http://www.elinewberger.com/enabling.html elinewberger.com] {{webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20080209121208/http://www.elinewberger.com/enabling.html |date=2008-02-09 }} From the page on 'enabling', by Eli H. Newberger, M.D., referenced by that web page to ''The Men They Will Become'' ch.18 "Enabling".</ref>

==Positive==
As a positive term, "enabling" is similar to [[Social:Empowerment|empowerment]], and describes [[Philosophy:Reinforcement|patterns of interaction]] which allow individuals to develop and grow. These patterns may be on any scale, for example within the [[Social:Family|family]],<ref name="elinewberger.com" /> or in wider society as "enabling acts" designed to [[Social:Empowerment|empower]] some group, or create a new authority for a (usually [[Social:Government|government]]al) body.

==Negative==
In a negative sense, "enabling" can describe [[Philosophy:Abnormality (behavior)|dysfunctional behavior]] approaches that are intended to help resolve a specific problem but, in fact, may perpetuate or exacerbate the problem.<ref name="elinewberger.com" /><ref>[http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/the-role-of-enabler-are-you-enabling-addiction-in-the-one-you-love/  The Role of Enabler: Are You Enabling Addiction In The One You Love?]</ref> A common theme of enabling in this latter sense is that third parties take [[Philosophy:Moral responsibility|responsibility]] or [[Philosophy:Blame|blame]], or make accommodations for a person's ineffective or harmful conduct (often with the best of intentions, or from fear or insecurity which inhibits action). The practical effect is that the person themselves does not have to do so, and is shielded from [[Philosophy:Self-awareness|awareness]] of the harm it may do, and the need or pressure to change.<ref>
{{citation|url= https://books.google.com/books?id=n7KY6aO7ZXsC |title=The selfish brain
|author=Robert L. DuPont|page=15|date=2000-02-17|isbn=978-1-56838-363-7}}
</ref>

===Codependency===
[[Philosophy:Codependency|Codependency]] is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced [[Social:Interpersonal relationship|relationship]]s in which one person enables another person's self-destructive behavior<ref>{{cite book |last1=McGrath |first1=Michael |last2=Oakley |first2=Barbara |editor1-last=Oakley |editor1-first=Barbara |editor2-last=Knafo |editor2-first=Ariel |editor3-last=Madhavan |editor3-first=Guruprasad |editor4-last=Wilson |editor4-first=David Sloan |title=Codependency and Pathological Altruism |date=2012 |publisher=Oxford University Press |location=New York |isbn=9780199876341 |page=49}}</ref> such as [[Medicine:Addiction|addiction]], poor [[Social:Mental health|mental health]], immaturity, [[Philosophy:Social responsibility|irresponsibility]], or [[Social:Underachiever|under-achievement]].<ref name="BPDFamily">{{Cite news|last=Johnson|first=R. Skip|title=Codependency and Codependent Relationships |url=http://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships|publisher=[[Organization:BPDFamily.com|BPDFamily.com]]|date=13 July 2014|access-date=9 September 2014}}</ref>

Enabling may be observed in the relationship between a person with a substance use disorder and their partner, spouse or a parent. Enabling behaviors may include making excuses that prevent others from holding the person accountable, or cleaning up messes that occur in the wake of their impaired judgment. Enabling may prevent psychological growth in the person being enabled, and may contribute to negative symptoms in the enabler. Enabling may be driven by concern for retaliation, or fear of consequence to the person with the substance use disorder, such as job loss, injury or suicide.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://psychcentral.com/lib/are-you-an-enabler/00015255|title=Are You an Enabler? - Psych Central|date=17 May 2016}}</ref> A parent may allow an addicted adult child to live at home without contributing to the household such as by helping with chores, and be [[Philosophy:Psychological manipulation|manipulated]] by the child's excuses, emotional attacks, and threats of self-harm.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/candace-plattor/enabling-addicts_b_6954214.html|title=Loved Ones of Addicts May Also Need Help Saying No|date=29 March 2015}}</ref>

===Abuse===
In the context of [[Social:Abuse|abuse]], enablers are distinct from flying monkeys (proxy abusers). Enablers allow or cover for the abuser's own bad behavior while flying monkeys actually perpetrate bad behavior to a third party on their behalf.<ref>Ziehl N [https://qz.com/852187/coping-with-chaos-in-the-white-house Coping with narcissistic personality disorder in the White House] ''Quartz'' 06 Dec 2016</ref> Padilla et al. (2007), in analyzing [[Philosophy:Narcissistic leadership|destructive leadership]], distinguished between conformers and colluders, in which the latter are those who actively participate in the destructive behavior.<ref>Padilla, A, Hogan, R & Kaiser, RB 2007, ''[https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1048984307000367?via%3Dihub#bib71 The toxic triangle: Destructive leaders, susceptible followers, and conducive environments]'', in ''The Leadership Quarterly'', vol. 18, pp. 176–194</ref>

Emotional abuse is a [[Social:Brainwashing|brainwashing]] method that over time can turn someone into an enabler. While the abuser often [[Unsolved:Victim playing|plays the victim]], it is quite common for the true victim to believe that he or she is responsible for the abuse and thus must adapt and adjust to it.<ref>Joan Lachkar, How to Talk to a Narcissist (2008). {{isbn|978-0415958554}}</ref>

Examples of enabling in an abusive context are as follows:<ref>[http://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/enabling Enabling] Out of the FOG</ref>{{Unreliable source?|date=June 2021}} 
* Making excuses for another's violent rages.
* Cleaning up someone else's mess.
* Hiding an abuser's dysfunctional actions from public view.
* Absorbing the negative consequences of someone else's bad choices.
* Paying off another person's debts.
* Refusing to confront or protect oneself when exposed to physical, emotional or verbal assault.
* Regurgitating the abuser's 'facts' / version of reality to a third party without seeking evidence.
* [[Philosophy:Victim blaming|Revictimising]] the abuser's other victims with behaviour such as [[Philosophy:Gaslighting|gaslighting]], [[Philosophy:Denial|denial]], or scapegoating. 
* [[Philosophy:Triangulation (psychology)|Triangulation]] (playing the part in an abuse triangle as either victim or protector, but never seeing themselves as perpetrator).
* Keeping secrets for the abuser such as affairs, extramarital children, alcoholism, gambling, [[Social:Incest|incest]].
* Projecting / passing on their own [[Philosophy:Shame|shame]] (the shame projected on to them by the abuser) to third parties.
* Giving up/over knowledge of their finances to be taken care of by the abuser (oftentimes resulting in considerable debt).

==See also==
* [[Social:Personal boundaries|Personal boundaries]]
* [[Social:Sycophancy|Sycophancy]]

==References==
{{Reflist|2}}


[[Category:Motivation]]
[[Category:Interpersonal relationships]]
[[Category:Narcissism]]

{{Sourceattribution|Enabling}}